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AFO Aftermath Part 2
Mar. 1st, 2020 05:34 pmThe thing with Aizawa is still bugging me a couple days later; I could swear I've heard that name somewhere before. Bakugou's definitely still a mess, volatile even for him sometimes and just... zoning out others - I've been finding every excuse I can to drag him out of his house and off somewhere random, avoiding crowds as much as I can. His efforts to find shit for distractions are getting kind of ridiculous - third year textbook math ridiculous, but it's not going out blowing up rocks somewhere secluded today, at least. I've curled up in a tree with my laptop above where he's got papers and stuff spread out; he's even refusing to use a calculator, doing everything longhand.
The class group chat's got its usual bits of vacation chatter, but right now I'm mostly just checking to see who's around that would be worth a DM to see what they can find without getting someone that'll figure out too much or bug Aizawa about it. I've caught that he hates people realizing something is bothering him almost as much as Bakugou does, even if they're trying to help, outside of like.... three people maybe.
Denki's on. That's a start at least - if whatever it was is something from his time as a pro before he started teaching, it's gonna be harder to find, but Mic seemed to know about it, so if it's old and Mic was involved, it's probably from when they were students, before Aizawa split off on his own for a while.
{Hey Denki? You still have all that stuff from when Aizawa was a student you dug up?}
{Of course I do! What do you need?}
If I play this right, he'll just read it as snooping and not ask what I'm after, or assume he's already snooped it out himself. {The news report stuff, I got curious about something.}
{Found some good dirt?} Not like finding embarassing dumb shit about the teachers is a class hobby or anything....
{Nah, just something I was trying to figure out. Probably nothing big, I just don't have a lot better to do right now and like Hell am I getting drug into Bakugou doing calculus for fun.}
{Okay now THAT'S crazy. I'll have it to you in a minute!}
It's not even that long before I've got an archive file in my email. Bakugou's focused on something he's working on, muttering witchcraft at the paper and chewing on his pencil; I can leave him be and just keep watch around what I'm doing for now. If I saw the name somewhere in all of this, then it'd be around the stuff we'd gone through, so I start with the third year sports festival. Denki'd dropped clips all over the group chat, including Aizawa getting yeeted into the stands by All Might, and All Might repeatedly face planting during their big team event because Aizawa was playing "on, off, on, off" with his quirk. Right at the top of one of the articles there's a photo from the team event with names - two people, and one's the name I was looking for.
Aizawa sitting on some high terrain spire, grinning like a maniac and high-fiving someone riding on a bright colored cloud, still holding the other team's flag.
Flipping back through the photos, it looks like half or more of the times people got Aizawa in a picture, Oboro had an arm over his shoulder to keep him from vanishing. First year Aizawa's deer in headlights in the pictures, second year he's being grumpy and resigned, third year he's faking aloof and taking it in stride.
Graduating picture of Class 1A, Aizawa's trying to disappear into the background, and there's no Oboro - somewhere in between the sports festival and graduation, he's gone. Big things in between that in the year - probably not some weird freak attack like what we went through, it'd get mentioned if that'd happened before, which means I'm either looking at the internships or for some kind of article about an accident or disappearance or something. Going by the way the filename on the archive goes, Denki's hoarded every news article with Aizawa's name on it, this is just the ones from his student years.
It seemed like it should've been hard to find, but it's not - that time period UA with Aizawa's name apparently grabbed a LOT of articles around internships.
Fledgling hero Eraserhead, saved the day standing alone against a threat that had knocked out his entire team and the Pro they'd been interning with; some injuries, almost no civilians harmed, one casualty, dead to collateral damage from a building collapse before Eraserhead got on scene to back them up from evac duty.
Well.
Fuck.
Like 90% of the collateral damage around that mess was the big bad tearing down buildings while All Might tried to contain it, which means that Aizawa left the press conference and went out to dig people out of collapsed buildings until he fell over from exhaustion. No wonder he was a mess and Mic didn't want me talking about it.
"HAH!"
That almost gets me falling out of the tree, juggling the laptop to not drop it.
"Got it!" Bakugou's triumphantly holding up the paper, covered in eldritch scribbling.
"That's great! I don't know what any of that means."
"Oh, you will." He's still holding the paper and grinning at me.
God no, that's third year or college math and I'm on vacation. "Yeah, yeah, we can get to that later right? I'm kinda trying to enjoy what's left of my vacation."
He snorts. "Wahtever, man. You're going to need this later."
I need a distraction, now. "You up for lunch? There's an old camp grill near here."
I've drug a cooler with chicken skewers and stuff out, and it's a nice, sunny area out of the way. For a little while, it's almost like things are back to normal.
After we've eaten he starts doing the zoning out thing again. I let him sit and stare off into space for a b it, then sidle over to sit next to him and nudge him with an elbow. "You still with us?"
He yelps and jumps, almost off-balance, hands as far away from me as he can get them. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"
I'm not moving while he's being jumpy, but it's hard not to give him the 'why are you like this' stare. "...Dude. I was in your line of sight the whole time. There was no sneaking involved."
"Whatever." He's going full sulk, keeping his hands away from anything.
It starts out as a little dribble of something; we're off in away from people, alone, and I don't actually have to worry about anyone wandering in and getting him to clam up or overhearing or needing to explain myself to anyone - he's been blatantly a mess since we got him back, and he's not even letting me try to help, and it's starting to get on my nerves. "Okay. Look. I know you don't want to hear this, but you're REALLY BAD at pretending you're okay." There's an easy logic leap as his sulk deepens and I'm trying to find ways to get him to listen and not just shut down on me more. "These last few months everyone - and I mean everyone, every damn person who's trying to play it off, you, Midoriya, Iida, Sensei, even freaking All Might - is horrible at pretending they're okay."
I could've kept going too, that's the part that's disturbing. He's looked up, but he's just staring at me cautiously, not saying anything, and damnit, I'm going to keep going until I can get SOMETHING out of him. "And I get it, I really do. The teachers play it cool so we don't freak out, all of us students and heroes play it cool around the public so they don't freak out more than they already are, All Might plays it cool so the whole fucking world doesn't panic, and you've got this bug up your ass about nobody ever being allowed to realize you're not okay, but I am getting sick and tired of just nodding along with it all the fucking time, twenty four seven, even when there's nobody around to freak out about it!"
So I'd known I'd been sitting on a lot, and hadn't actually thought about how much until I was out there, in the woods, gesturing at the empty forest around us with nobody to overhear, actually getting it out of my own head and into words.
Bakugou just blinks a few times, staring at me more. "You've had your shit together fine."
And that is the last straw. I pick up the blanket, wad it up a bit, and throw it at his face; it falls draped over his head. "DAY AND A HALF. Do you know how long it takes to make something like that normally?!" My voice cracked somewhere in there and I don't care. "I failed my final, got shut in a room getting crammed on things for days, was stuck in a small room being useless while everyone else was fighting for their lives, hiding like a coward when you got grabbed, got to watch Aizawa getting ripped apart by reporters for letting you all fight back when he hates being on camera, saw more Nomu than I ever wanted to know existed, then watched half of the top ten get wiped in two seconds by someone who blew up two city blocks in an instant and used All Might and Gran Torino as ping pong balls!" It's a good thing we're in the middle of nowhere, because anybody in the area would've heard me. "OF COURSE I'M NOT OKAY!"
Somewhere during the tirade, he starts carefully pulling the blanket off his head, staring at me, and in the silence after I'm done yelling, he pulls it up around his shoulders and curls up, arm around his knees. "Alright, fine. I'm not okay." It's a grudging mutter.
"I noticed. You've spent half of the last week staring off into space and jumping at everything."
He shoots me a glare.
"Listen, man. The closest I've come to one of those creepy fucks was the double of Patchwork that Vlad and Aizawa trashed for attacking us. I can't imagine being shut in a room with all of them for a few days."
He scrunches in more with a scowl. "Why'd you all show up like that, anyway?"
It's not what I was expecting, but if that's where he wants to start on actually talking, then at least he's talking; I'll take it. "Uh. Well.... you know. Back at the camp, if I'd thought I could get away with it past Iida and Vlad? I would've been out the window the second that message got out that they were after you. But...That wasn't happening, and the teachers made it pretty clear they wanted us staying put so they'd have fewer people in the line of fire to worry about." I'd still like to say I would've been okay out there, but seeing how many people got wrecked, and how much of a mess Aizawa's been about all this, I'm really not sure. "And when I heard they'd gotten you, it just.... I felt so useless. Like - here I'd been, sitting like a lump in the only sorta-safe place while everybody else was out there doing something and my best friend was getting kidnapped. I just - I couldn't keep sitting by and doing nothing while you were out there." He's barely looking over his knees and the scarf, and it feels like he's trying to keep his face out of sight, and - the way he is about everyone is sticking in my head, like he just expects everyone to hate him and treat him like shit. "Same went for the others - I mean, Iida and Yaoyoruzu wanted to trust the pros and not get in shit so they were making sure we didn't get in over our heads, but Midoriya and Todoroki and I weren't gonna take any chances that the Pros might not get you out, and it... looks like we were right. Everybody they had sent out there was pretty great, but that bastard in charge had one over on everyone, and if we hadn't been there..."
Bakugou had been outmatched and cornered, with most of the League on his ass while the big bad kept the pros away; I'm not gonna call out that he would've been fucked without us, but it was pretty obvious. "We'd never have forgiven ourselves if we'd just sat it out and let that happen to you again."
The others might not be sticking to him like I've been to hammer that through his head, but I doubt he'd have let them even if they wanted to; Midoriya was right, I am pretty much the only person he'll listen to for anything like that.
"I don't need help." It's weak and muffled into the blanket, like he's trying to tell himself that more than me.
"Whatever you say. We all know you'd do the same for us."
He curls up, burying his face in the blanket with a stifled noise, and I'm just....sidling over to lean against him and let him hide his face in the blanket and keep his last few shreds of dignity.
Which means pretending I didn't notice him sobbing.
Eventually, there's a weak little "damnit" from under the blanket where he's buried his head.
"You've got friends. You can be the top and still have friends help you out now and then, alright? You saw Gran Torino backing All Might up back there, even All Might is okay with having other people to make sure everything works out okay. We're all here for the same reason."
"I shouldn't need anyone. Supposed to be better than that." He's still muffled and hasn't shifted from being burrowed under the blanket.
"Why are you so hung up on that, anyway? It's stupid. It keeps getting you hurt, and if anything happens to you when I'm not there to back you up -" He really probably wouldn't have taken the escape if it hadn't been me there, if it'd been anyone else in the class - "I don't wanna hear that something happened to you and I lost you because you wouldn't let someone else step in to give you a hand."
Aizawa had one casualty to collateral damage and I can easily see why the guy's still a mess; I barely made it a few days to get help, a plan, and backup myself when there was still a clear chance Bakugou could be okay.
"Fuck. Why'd you have to go and do that?"
Screw his dignity, I'm just going to put an arm around him and squeeze. "People care about you, idiot. Not just me, either. And it's not about thinking you can't do something or thinking you're too weak to do it yourself, we all know you're really strong and brilliant. It's that we don't want to see you get hurt, and we know you wouldn't let us get hurt if you could help it." I give a beat; he's still scrunched up tense, and I can already guess the likely response. "Don't try to say you wouldn't, I saw you charge in to back everyone else up in the USJ after we cleared our zone. We watch each other's backs, that's how the hero business works."
He grumbles something that I don't think is even trying to be words, and it's a while before he comes out from under the blanket.
...............................................
I'm doing normal restless wandering around the normal routines, in one of those gaps when it's daytime and I can't be around Bakugou. It's really easy to spot Mic out on the street; about all he did to be 'out of costume' was ditch the amplifiers. He's across the street, having some kind of animated conversation with a street vendor. Him being around means it's not a surprise to find Aizawa sprawled on a park in the bench half asleep, arm draped over his face. He's in street clothes mostly - black jeans, hoodie, and sunglasses, but the scarves are still there so it's not much of a "civilian clothes avoiding attention" effort.
Aaand even half asleep, as soon as I'm within twenty feet I can see him shift so he can see me around his arm.
I should probably leave things be, but it also feels a little wrong to not tell him I was snooping on him on something that personal, so I head over, trying not to fidget. He lifts his arm off his face more, making it obvious he's watching me.
"Kirishima." After a couple seconds, he shifts, sorta oozing over the bench until he's sitting upright and not taking up the whole bench, straightening his sunglasses. "How's Bakugou?"
"Eeeeeeennnnnh.... better than he was?" I shrug. "He's been out of it since he got back, but he's zoning out less, I think. His family drug him off for some outing today; he couldn't get out of it, and I wasn't invited. I don't think they like me." The amount of trying really hard to not get into some kind of argument with his mom or tell her off is probably obvious and likely the reason.
Aizawa grumbles, scowling at that, but he nods.
"So uh. There's. Something I should talk to you about. About that thing back the morning after the rescue."
He doesn't seem to have caught on what I'm hedging about, and motions for me to go on. "I know you and Mic told me to ignore it, but I kept feeling like I'd heard the name you said before, and... I uh. Checked back some of the news articles from when you were at UA."
There's a long pause where he's not giving any visible reaction. "....Ah." He's still quiet after that.
"And I figured... that was the kind of thing I should come clean about and... apologize for snooping around at." I pull in all my urge to fidget and give him my best absolute formal bow.
He sighs. "Apology accepted and appreciated, but if you just went through news articles, then it's all public record - that's not really much snooping."
Somehow I'd expected him to be more upset, considering how private he is and how much he hates attention. It doesn't help that it's not all of it. "I uh. Also told Mic I wouldn't bring it up to you unless you brought it up first, or tell any of my classmates, but uh. Kaminari kinda archived every news article with your name and the articles from when you were at UA are organized, including those, so I think he knows."
He gives a weak half-laugh. "You know I can see the group chat, right? I know he's been digging through public records on me." It does make sense put that way, even if all Denki's actually commented on or drawn attention to is ridiculous shit. "Also, I appreciate Mic's concern, but... well, it's something I've been trying to stop running from lately."
I have a good, long moment of staring at him, trying to put that sentence in the context of Aizawa and have it fit. I mean, I know he Hasn't Been Okay, but him and 'running away from things' doesn't really compute. He seems more likely to latch on like a komodo dragon and shake something to death. "...Running away?"
He inhales, and there's another long pause. "Look, I'm not about to unload on you and I save actually dealing with this shit for Mic for a reason - I'm here to teach you kids, and you shouldn't need to feel responsible for someone twice your age with a lot more experience. Besides, he's more able to help, anyway." He's motioning with one hand; Mic's still chatting with the vendor. "The main reason I'm talking to you about this at all is that you kids have been thrown into the deep end, with a lot of shit to deal with. I know you're all used to the idea that heroes are supposed to come across as unbreakable and unbeatable, and how easy it is to fall into the trap of trying to force yourself to live up to it all the time."
Definitely teacher mode. I give a nod and am focusing attention; it's not often that he gets to go on like this about stuff that's not field survival.
"Heroes need to seem invincible to the people they protect, and the villains they're up against. You try to do that all the time, with everyone, especially yourself, and you're gonna have a breakdown - you have to know to deal with things and process them, and have someone you can rely on to help you keep your head screwed on straight."
"Don't have to tell me twice." Not like that's a large chunk of what I'm trying to chew on Bakugou over or anything.
That's definitely a smirk and an approving nod.
"So uh. Running away?" It's like he sidestepped the entire question, and it feels like maybe that's him accidentally proving the point there.
He shifts, rubbing the back of his head and looking off to the side. "Enh. I melted down pretty hard after that - withdrew from everyone, just sort of walled everything up to avoid, didn't even try to deal with it or face it really until .... maybe this last semester." He rolls his shoulder in a half-shrug.
Okay, I've seen recordings of some of his other years teaching, and I never would've believed he was having some kind of slow burn meltdown. "This - semester? Wha?"
"Long story. Important point is, don't be me. Shit happens, trying to block it out and avoid it is just worse for everyone in the long run."
"...This last semester?" It seems like something that should've been more obvious.
"...Right. See that's what I meant. You don't let people that're depending on you see you flounder, you save that for when you're with people you trust who can handle it." He's grinning and it's a little cracked seeming. "Midnight, Mic, and Nezu knew, but if you kids didn't know, then I succeeded."
"...You're not just talking about this last thing and how you were really a mess after the rescue, are you."
He's still grinning and shakes his head. "Yeah I slipped up there. Sorry about that."
I'm not sure if that's comforting or kind of terrifying.
The class group chat's got its usual bits of vacation chatter, but right now I'm mostly just checking to see who's around that would be worth a DM to see what they can find without getting someone that'll figure out too much or bug Aizawa about it. I've caught that he hates people realizing something is bothering him almost as much as Bakugou does, even if they're trying to help, outside of like.... three people maybe.
Denki's on. That's a start at least - if whatever it was is something from his time as a pro before he started teaching, it's gonna be harder to find, but Mic seemed to know about it, so if it's old and Mic was involved, it's probably from when they were students, before Aizawa split off on his own for a while.
{Hey Denki? You still have all that stuff from when Aizawa was a student you dug up?}
{Of course I do! What do you need?}
If I play this right, he'll just read it as snooping and not ask what I'm after, or assume he's already snooped it out himself. {The news report stuff, I got curious about something.}
{Found some good dirt?} Not like finding embarassing dumb shit about the teachers is a class hobby or anything....
{Nah, just something I was trying to figure out. Probably nothing big, I just don't have a lot better to do right now and like Hell am I getting drug into Bakugou doing calculus for fun.}
{Okay now THAT'S crazy. I'll have it to you in a minute!}
It's not even that long before I've got an archive file in my email. Bakugou's focused on something he's working on, muttering witchcraft at the paper and chewing on his pencil; I can leave him be and just keep watch around what I'm doing for now. If I saw the name somewhere in all of this, then it'd be around the stuff we'd gone through, so I start with the third year sports festival. Denki'd dropped clips all over the group chat, including Aizawa getting yeeted into the stands by All Might, and All Might repeatedly face planting during their big team event because Aizawa was playing "on, off, on, off" with his quirk. Right at the top of one of the articles there's a photo from the team event with names - two people, and one's the name I was looking for.
Aizawa sitting on some high terrain spire, grinning like a maniac and high-fiving someone riding on a bright colored cloud, still holding the other team's flag.
Flipping back through the photos, it looks like half or more of the times people got Aizawa in a picture, Oboro had an arm over his shoulder to keep him from vanishing. First year Aizawa's deer in headlights in the pictures, second year he's being grumpy and resigned, third year he's faking aloof and taking it in stride.
Graduating picture of Class 1A, Aizawa's trying to disappear into the background, and there's no Oboro - somewhere in between the sports festival and graduation, he's gone. Big things in between that in the year - probably not some weird freak attack like what we went through, it'd get mentioned if that'd happened before, which means I'm either looking at the internships or for some kind of article about an accident or disappearance or something. Going by the way the filename on the archive goes, Denki's hoarded every news article with Aizawa's name on it, this is just the ones from his student years.
It seemed like it should've been hard to find, but it's not - that time period UA with Aizawa's name apparently grabbed a LOT of articles around internships.
Fledgling hero Eraserhead, saved the day standing alone against a threat that had knocked out his entire team and the Pro they'd been interning with; some injuries, almost no civilians harmed, one casualty, dead to collateral damage from a building collapse before Eraserhead got on scene to back them up from evac duty.
Well.
Fuck.
Like 90% of the collateral damage around that mess was the big bad tearing down buildings while All Might tried to contain it, which means that Aizawa left the press conference and went out to dig people out of collapsed buildings until he fell over from exhaustion. No wonder he was a mess and Mic didn't want me talking about it.
"HAH!"
That almost gets me falling out of the tree, juggling the laptop to not drop it.
"Got it!" Bakugou's triumphantly holding up the paper, covered in eldritch scribbling.
"That's great! I don't know what any of that means."
"Oh, you will." He's still holding the paper and grinning at me.
God no, that's third year or college math and I'm on vacation. "Yeah, yeah, we can get to that later right? I'm kinda trying to enjoy what's left of my vacation."
He snorts. "Wahtever, man. You're going to need this later."
I need a distraction, now. "You up for lunch? There's an old camp grill near here."
I've drug a cooler with chicken skewers and stuff out, and it's a nice, sunny area out of the way. For a little while, it's almost like things are back to normal.
After we've eaten he starts doing the zoning out thing again. I let him sit and stare off into space for a b it, then sidle over to sit next to him and nudge him with an elbow. "You still with us?"
He yelps and jumps, almost off-balance, hands as far away from me as he can get them. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"
I'm not moving while he's being jumpy, but it's hard not to give him the 'why are you like this' stare. "...Dude. I was in your line of sight the whole time. There was no sneaking involved."
"Whatever." He's going full sulk, keeping his hands away from anything.
It starts out as a little dribble of something; we're off in away from people, alone, and I don't actually have to worry about anyone wandering in and getting him to clam up or overhearing or needing to explain myself to anyone - he's been blatantly a mess since we got him back, and he's not even letting me try to help, and it's starting to get on my nerves. "Okay. Look. I know you don't want to hear this, but you're REALLY BAD at pretending you're okay." There's an easy logic leap as his sulk deepens and I'm trying to find ways to get him to listen and not just shut down on me more. "These last few months everyone - and I mean everyone, every damn person who's trying to play it off, you, Midoriya, Iida, Sensei, even freaking All Might - is horrible at pretending they're okay."
I could've kept going too, that's the part that's disturbing. He's looked up, but he's just staring at me cautiously, not saying anything, and damnit, I'm going to keep going until I can get SOMETHING out of him. "And I get it, I really do. The teachers play it cool so we don't freak out, all of us students and heroes play it cool around the public so they don't freak out more than they already are, All Might plays it cool so the whole fucking world doesn't panic, and you've got this bug up your ass about nobody ever being allowed to realize you're not okay, but I am getting sick and tired of just nodding along with it all the fucking time, twenty four seven, even when there's nobody around to freak out about it!"
So I'd known I'd been sitting on a lot, and hadn't actually thought about how much until I was out there, in the woods, gesturing at the empty forest around us with nobody to overhear, actually getting it out of my own head and into words.
Bakugou just blinks a few times, staring at me more. "You've had your shit together fine."
And that is the last straw. I pick up the blanket, wad it up a bit, and throw it at his face; it falls draped over his head. "DAY AND A HALF. Do you know how long it takes to make something like that normally?!" My voice cracked somewhere in there and I don't care. "I failed my final, got shut in a room getting crammed on things for days, was stuck in a small room being useless while everyone else was fighting for their lives, hiding like a coward when you got grabbed, got to watch Aizawa getting ripped apart by reporters for letting you all fight back when he hates being on camera, saw more Nomu than I ever wanted to know existed, then watched half of the top ten get wiped in two seconds by someone who blew up two city blocks in an instant and used All Might and Gran Torino as ping pong balls!" It's a good thing we're in the middle of nowhere, because anybody in the area would've heard me. "OF COURSE I'M NOT OKAY!"
Somewhere during the tirade, he starts carefully pulling the blanket off his head, staring at me, and in the silence after I'm done yelling, he pulls it up around his shoulders and curls up, arm around his knees. "Alright, fine. I'm not okay." It's a grudging mutter.
"I noticed. You've spent half of the last week staring off into space and jumping at everything."
He shoots me a glare.
"Listen, man. The closest I've come to one of those creepy fucks was the double of Patchwork that Vlad and Aizawa trashed for attacking us. I can't imagine being shut in a room with all of them for a few days."
He scrunches in more with a scowl. "Why'd you all show up like that, anyway?"
It's not what I was expecting, but if that's where he wants to start on actually talking, then at least he's talking; I'll take it. "Uh. Well.... you know. Back at the camp, if I'd thought I could get away with it past Iida and Vlad? I would've been out the window the second that message got out that they were after you. But...That wasn't happening, and the teachers made it pretty clear they wanted us staying put so they'd have fewer people in the line of fire to worry about." I'd still like to say I would've been okay out there, but seeing how many people got wrecked, and how much of a mess Aizawa's been about all this, I'm really not sure. "And when I heard they'd gotten you, it just.... I felt so useless. Like - here I'd been, sitting like a lump in the only sorta-safe place while everybody else was out there doing something and my best friend was getting kidnapped. I just - I couldn't keep sitting by and doing nothing while you were out there." He's barely looking over his knees and the scarf, and it feels like he's trying to keep his face out of sight, and - the way he is about everyone is sticking in my head, like he just expects everyone to hate him and treat him like shit. "Same went for the others - I mean, Iida and Yaoyoruzu wanted to trust the pros and not get in shit so they were making sure we didn't get in over our heads, but Midoriya and Todoroki and I weren't gonna take any chances that the Pros might not get you out, and it... looks like we were right. Everybody they had sent out there was pretty great, but that bastard in charge had one over on everyone, and if we hadn't been there..."
Bakugou had been outmatched and cornered, with most of the League on his ass while the big bad kept the pros away; I'm not gonna call out that he would've been fucked without us, but it was pretty obvious. "We'd never have forgiven ourselves if we'd just sat it out and let that happen to you again."
The others might not be sticking to him like I've been to hammer that through his head, but I doubt he'd have let them even if they wanted to; Midoriya was right, I am pretty much the only person he'll listen to for anything like that.
"I don't need help." It's weak and muffled into the blanket, like he's trying to tell himself that more than me.
"Whatever you say. We all know you'd do the same for us."
He curls up, burying his face in the blanket with a stifled noise, and I'm just....sidling over to lean against him and let him hide his face in the blanket and keep his last few shreds of dignity.
Which means pretending I didn't notice him sobbing.
Eventually, there's a weak little "damnit" from under the blanket where he's buried his head.
"You've got friends. You can be the top and still have friends help you out now and then, alright? You saw Gran Torino backing All Might up back there, even All Might is okay with having other people to make sure everything works out okay. We're all here for the same reason."
"I shouldn't need anyone. Supposed to be better than that." He's still muffled and hasn't shifted from being burrowed under the blanket.
"Why are you so hung up on that, anyway? It's stupid. It keeps getting you hurt, and if anything happens to you when I'm not there to back you up -" He really probably wouldn't have taken the escape if it hadn't been me there, if it'd been anyone else in the class - "I don't wanna hear that something happened to you and I lost you because you wouldn't let someone else step in to give you a hand."
Aizawa had one casualty to collateral damage and I can easily see why the guy's still a mess; I barely made it a few days to get help, a plan, and backup myself when there was still a clear chance Bakugou could be okay.
"Fuck. Why'd you have to go and do that?"
Screw his dignity, I'm just going to put an arm around him and squeeze. "People care about you, idiot. Not just me, either. And it's not about thinking you can't do something or thinking you're too weak to do it yourself, we all know you're really strong and brilliant. It's that we don't want to see you get hurt, and we know you wouldn't let us get hurt if you could help it." I give a beat; he's still scrunched up tense, and I can already guess the likely response. "Don't try to say you wouldn't, I saw you charge in to back everyone else up in the USJ after we cleared our zone. We watch each other's backs, that's how the hero business works."
He grumbles something that I don't think is even trying to be words, and it's a while before he comes out from under the blanket.
...............................................
I'm doing normal restless wandering around the normal routines, in one of those gaps when it's daytime and I can't be around Bakugou. It's really easy to spot Mic out on the street; about all he did to be 'out of costume' was ditch the amplifiers. He's across the street, having some kind of animated conversation with a street vendor. Him being around means it's not a surprise to find Aizawa sprawled on a park in the bench half asleep, arm draped over his face. He's in street clothes mostly - black jeans, hoodie, and sunglasses, but the scarves are still there so it's not much of a "civilian clothes avoiding attention" effort.
Aaand even half asleep, as soon as I'm within twenty feet I can see him shift so he can see me around his arm.
I should probably leave things be, but it also feels a little wrong to not tell him I was snooping on him on something that personal, so I head over, trying not to fidget. He lifts his arm off his face more, making it obvious he's watching me.
"Kirishima." After a couple seconds, he shifts, sorta oozing over the bench until he's sitting upright and not taking up the whole bench, straightening his sunglasses. "How's Bakugou?"
"Eeeeeeennnnnh.... better than he was?" I shrug. "He's been out of it since he got back, but he's zoning out less, I think. His family drug him off for some outing today; he couldn't get out of it, and I wasn't invited. I don't think they like me." The amount of trying really hard to not get into some kind of argument with his mom or tell her off is probably obvious and likely the reason.
Aizawa grumbles, scowling at that, but he nods.
"So uh. There's. Something I should talk to you about. About that thing back the morning after the rescue."
He doesn't seem to have caught on what I'm hedging about, and motions for me to go on. "I know you and Mic told me to ignore it, but I kept feeling like I'd heard the name you said before, and... I uh. Checked back some of the news articles from when you were at UA."
There's a long pause where he's not giving any visible reaction. "....Ah." He's still quiet after that.
"And I figured... that was the kind of thing I should come clean about and... apologize for snooping around at." I pull in all my urge to fidget and give him my best absolute formal bow.
He sighs. "Apology accepted and appreciated, but if you just went through news articles, then it's all public record - that's not really much snooping."
Somehow I'd expected him to be more upset, considering how private he is and how much he hates attention. It doesn't help that it's not all of it. "I uh. Also told Mic I wouldn't bring it up to you unless you brought it up first, or tell any of my classmates, but uh. Kaminari kinda archived every news article with your name and the articles from when you were at UA are organized, including those, so I think he knows."
He gives a weak half-laugh. "You know I can see the group chat, right? I know he's been digging through public records on me." It does make sense put that way, even if all Denki's actually commented on or drawn attention to is ridiculous shit. "Also, I appreciate Mic's concern, but... well, it's something I've been trying to stop running from lately."
I have a good, long moment of staring at him, trying to put that sentence in the context of Aizawa and have it fit. I mean, I know he Hasn't Been Okay, but him and 'running away from things' doesn't really compute. He seems more likely to latch on like a komodo dragon and shake something to death. "...Running away?"
He inhales, and there's another long pause. "Look, I'm not about to unload on you and I save actually dealing with this shit for Mic for a reason - I'm here to teach you kids, and you shouldn't need to feel responsible for someone twice your age with a lot more experience. Besides, he's more able to help, anyway." He's motioning with one hand; Mic's still chatting with the vendor. "The main reason I'm talking to you about this at all is that you kids have been thrown into the deep end, with a lot of shit to deal with. I know you're all used to the idea that heroes are supposed to come across as unbreakable and unbeatable, and how easy it is to fall into the trap of trying to force yourself to live up to it all the time."
Definitely teacher mode. I give a nod and am focusing attention; it's not often that he gets to go on like this about stuff that's not field survival.
"Heroes need to seem invincible to the people they protect, and the villains they're up against. You try to do that all the time, with everyone, especially yourself, and you're gonna have a breakdown - you have to know to deal with things and process them, and have someone you can rely on to help you keep your head screwed on straight."
"Don't have to tell me twice." Not like that's a large chunk of what I'm trying to chew on Bakugou over or anything.
That's definitely a smirk and an approving nod.
"So uh. Running away?" It's like he sidestepped the entire question, and it feels like maybe that's him accidentally proving the point there.
He shifts, rubbing the back of his head and looking off to the side. "Enh. I melted down pretty hard after that - withdrew from everyone, just sort of walled everything up to avoid, didn't even try to deal with it or face it really until .... maybe this last semester." He rolls his shoulder in a half-shrug.
Okay, I've seen recordings of some of his other years teaching, and I never would've believed he was having some kind of slow burn meltdown. "This - semester? Wha?"
"Long story. Important point is, don't be me. Shit happens, trying to block it out and avoid it is just worse for everyone in the long run."
"...This last semester?" It seems like something that should've been more obvious.
"...Right. See that's what I meant. You don't let people that're depending on you see you flounder, you save that for when you're with people you trust who can handle it." He's grinning and it's a little cracked seeming. "Midnight, Mic, and Nezu knew, but if you kids didn't know, then I succeeded."
"...You're not just talking about this last thing and how you were really a mess after the rescue, are you."
He's still grinning and shakes his head. "Yeah I slipped up there. Sorry about that."
I'm not sure if that's comforting or kind of terrifying.
