Quiet dinner

[wrecking_yard]

I am, finally, out of the hospital and off any dietary restrictions, and it has been made clearly understood that I am not doing a single work related thing today if I can help it.

I’m in the middle of ordering from one of the restaurants with an open-air seating area - even if ordering is just waving to them and chatting, agreeing with the usual and a glass of lychee wine - when I spot Zora, hovering awkwardly nearby in street clothes.

“Zora! Good to see you - have you eaten?”

She gives me a deer in headlights look, which means no.

“Make that two!”

The owner nods and gives me a thumbs up, vanishing back into the kitchen; I wave her over and it takes a couple tries before she sidles over, sliding onto the bench next to me.

“So to what do I owe the pleasure?” The guild had debates before about if she even had street clothes, she took time off so rarely.

She’s shifting, eyes on the wood grain of table. “After everything… I know you said a few things - about being in the hospital before, and…”. She shakes her head. “Sorry, it’s none of my business.”

I put a hand on her shoulder gently. “Well, after everything that came up about you, it’s only fair, right? Besides, it’s not like it’s anything that dramatic.”

I lean on the table; she’s sitting quietly.

“I was born in a small village; it got wiped out by a couple of minor Miracles before I was even old enough to remember my parents. I spent most of my time sick, but being one among a number of orphans and all, I wasn’t much of a priority for resources…”. I rest my hand on my chin with a sigh. “And pediatric lupus is hard to catch even with a specialist and proper attention. By the time they figured out what was wrong, it had already done enough organ damage that I would’ve spent my life in some facility or another.”

She looks away solemnly. “….Oh.”

I give a light shrug. “I spent all my time reading and watching videos, learning about all these places I would never get to see… then there was a divine wave flare, and next thing I knew, I was picking myself up off the floor with scales and all, feeling better than I ever remembered.”

“… did it hurt?”

Amunet’s power didn’t come with much physical transformation, even if you could see star fields in her eyes.

“Oh it did, but, eh.” I shrug. “Apparently becoming a divine avatar does wonders for chronic health conditions, so it was worth it. After that, once I had adjusted, I just… left. Started traveling, to go see and do everything I’d thought I would never be able to.”

There’s quiet expect for the wind, passers by, and birds for a few minutes; one of the staff brings the drinks out, setting the two glasses in front of us. She picks hers up, staring in the glass thoughtfully.

“Is that why -?” She trails off, but it’s easy to guess; she’s spent a lot of time in the past frustrated over my willingness to bounce off to relax and attempts at dragging her into it.

“Mm-hmm.” I swirl my glass, and she actually frowns, looking a little guilty. “I do try to pull you into it more than anyone else - I know what it’s like to have no-one and be all but forgotten about. I wanted to try and make sure you had a life, even with everything.”

“… Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I knew you didn’t get it, and some things can’t be forced.” I take a sip; she’s still staring into the glass glumly. “So, what brought you here? I know you’d been training with the Union, before you came here.”

She hasn’t told anyone about that, but it’s common knowledge around the guild that Triki and I keep track of people’s pasts even if we don’t care about it most of the time.

She grimaces. “I was going to join the Union. But… mm. They focus on the Miracles, and everything else is … secondary.”

And she was trying to hunt down the person responsible for the massacre she’d survived.

I nod slowly, swirling my glass. “I think that’s changing, now - or if they’re smart it will. I don’t think they can ignore human bad actors at this point.” Not only are they being targeted in ways that are harder to cover up lately, but some of the Espers and humans out for power or otherwise are starting to do as much damage as the Miracles. “So why here? You definitely knew we deal with them.”

She makes a vague noise. “As much damage as she does, I thought one of the bounties would lead to her sooner or later.” I’m still listening for the rest of the answer, and she twists in the chair uncomfortably when she realizes I’m not letting her off the hook, then mumbles, “and maybe find out something about her I could follow up on. From them. Because joining them would be stupid.”

I just snerk and pat her shoulder. “I figured that out as soon as you mentioned how…. Diligently you were hunting her.” Obsessively, really. “I’m not counting it against you, and I’m having some discussions of my own with the Boss about things.”

That hadn’t just been us clonking heads with their operation; they were setting a trap and intentionally taking out our hunters.

There’s quiet for another minute, but she’s at least being more thoughtful than self-flagellant.

“So…. Why did you stop here?” She’s still hesitant about it.

Part of the story’s well known enough - I wandered in, took down some thugs, Triki decided to recruit me. “Oh, there was a gang of Espers who’d gone cannibal and thought I looked like an easy mark… I kind of lost control, and Triki offered me a job for it.”

She raises an eyebrow. “You… lost control?”

I snort. “If that one hadn’t blind-sided me I would’ve just let go back there with those Miramon.”

She flinches.

“I wasn’t worried about you getting caught in it - I don’t go that berserk - but it’s…”. I draw back, waggling a hand. “Not something I like people seeing? Even if I’m not getting getting blood everywhere. There’s not many people besides Triki and Ren Si who’re - unfazed - about it, even among the Guild.” Not that very many in the Guild have ever seen it, but the few who did were definitely rattled.

From the look she’s giving me, the image of me covered in blood and gore dismembering people violently enough to put off bounty hunters is clearly not computing.

“I left the cannibals in pieces and tore one of their throats out with my teeth.”

Her eyebrow goes up a little further, but she shrugs. “I’ve seen worse.”

If I hadn’t learned what I did about the massacre she survived - and had Hela get vindictive and almost kill me while I couldn't defend myself - I would’ve doubted her.

"Anyway... I spent a week or two after that around the city, finding out what I could about the Guild, and decided to take him up on the offer." I hadn't thought I'd get a clear idea of how he ran things from him, but the people of the city who he'd impacted would definitely have plenty to say.

She's looking sideways at me thoughtfully. "What is your relationship with the Boss? If - it's okay to ask."

"Hm. Do you want what I could call it, or what he'd call it?" It's not a subject I'd talk about with most people, at least not frankly and without a lot of misdirection trolling, but she's earned a place in that circle and I know she's got a poker face for miles.

"What he'd call it."

"Hedonism for its own sake." I take a sip off the lychee wine; I'd missed being able to just sit outside and enjoy a drink and all like this. It's less that him being a bi disaster is a secret and more that people often don't know how to tell what stories are credible and what are exaggerated or outright made up - and he doesn't make it easy, either.

"And you?"

"Open partnership."

She frowns. "And you're okay with him not taking it as seriously?"

Here we go. I set my glass down. "Who says he doesn't?"

She just looks more confused.

"While I was out in the hospital, how was he acting? What happened after you dropped me off?" I'd been unconscious and on death's door; I know she teleported from the mines to the ER, but that's about it. The last thing I remembered before waking up in the hospital bed was being carried into her void, and her repeating “Please don’t die” over and over again.

She pauses, thinking. "I passed out after I handed you off." She's staring off through the table, tapping a finger on it. "I think I woke up for a few minutes somewhere... I didn't recognize it. I was on a big couch, there was a lot of velvet... dim lights, I think there was incense... he ruffled my hair and told me I'd - done a good job and to rest - I kind of wanted to get up, but I was so exhausted I just - fell right back asleep. When I woke up again I was in my room, so I wasn't sure if it was a dream or not."

"His quarters. He's paranoid and didn't want to trust anyone else with it, so he was probably keeping an eye on you the whole time you were drained, then put you in your room so it wouldn't seem like he was fussing over you. I bet he was acting like nothing happened afterwards, too."

That just gets her more baffled; I sigh.

"There's a couple things you need to understand about the Boss. One is that he doesn't say what he means, he says what will accomplish his goals - so to tell how he actually feels about things, you have to watch what he's doing. That's why I spent a while around the city before I accepted instead of just talking to him - what people do and how they go about it always says more than they will themselves."

She nods, attention focused.

"The second is that there's a lot of things he's afraid of that he'd never admit to. You refused to accept anyone as a 'friend' before - why was that?"

She blanches. "Well, I." It takes her a second to find her thoughts again. "I didn't want anyone else getting hurt because of me."

"And you can't go through losing someone if you don't have anyone close to you, right?" I've picked up the glass, looking at her sideways; she flinches, and almost protests, then wilts.

"Same problem, much worse. His posturing's as much for his own benefit as anyone else's, I just poke him occasionally to make sure he doesn't buy too much of his own publicity." Such as that works, he still frames everything in enlightened self interest terms. "I'm not going to force him into it when he's not ready to face it, not without some life or death reason."

She shrinks in on herself again, and I know exactly where that went; I shoot her a sidelong look. "I didn't force you."

She makes a couple of incoherent noises, gesturing at me. "What else do you call what happened?"

"You forced yourself because you realized you had a choice between trying to protect people you cared about and trying to isolate yourself."

She frowns again, looking away. "Would you have actually been okay with it if I had?"

I pause and consider. "With the Miramon, probably not. I'm pretty sure I could've actually made it back to Graywater on my own even with that injury, but ditching your partner to charge into an unknown ambush alone is not good practice."

She shifts uncomfortably.

"With Hela...." I have my own moment, and down the rest of my drink, raising the glass to get the waiter's attention. "Can I get another?" I don't continue until he's acknowledged it and ducked off to get another one, and the wine's had a chance to dull some of the too-fresh memory. "You hadn't teleported more than twenty feet with a view of the destination before. We were over a day's travel away from Graywater with a vehicle. I knew I wouldn't last more than a few minutes at best, and wanted you to stop her and get out of there yourself, so something would come of it."

There's a long silence.

"She's still out there," she finally adds, quietly. "I couldn't - It was either finish her off, or try to get you out of there, and - if there was anything I could do to make sure you didn't die there-"

I put a hand in her hair and ruffle it. "You chose looking for something to live for over chasing death, more than once out there. There's nothing wrong with that, and I owe you for that." She's carrying enough survivor's guilt from her childhood as it is.

She leans over limp against me, and the waiter gives her a brief odd look as he sets the new drink down before deciding it's none of his business and heading back to work.